the most wonderful moment of my life

My most fulfilling memory as a young lad involved my magical summer with my pet horse Sparky. Sparky and I would gallop through the Northern Wisconsin countryside while admiring the wonders of nature. Me and Sparks would even eat our meals together. The steady diet of carrots and hay kept my visions strong and my bowel movements regular. As I would ride my horsey, I felt the pangs of joy reach up through my loins. It was a feeling I would not feel again until my sexual awakening six years later.
Sadly, the Sparky's food bill was too out of control for our modest farmland budget. It tore my heart to shreds when my evil step-dad took away my little pony to be ground up into glue and hot dogs. I cried for three straight weeks up until my sixteenth birthday, where I was given a rocking horse that filled the gaping void missing from my empty heart.



my dead cat

when my cat dies i am going to have it stuffed by a taxidermist. I am going to pose in a similar way as this:
Except it's claws will be more petruding. I will turn my dead cat into a back scratcher. I will be able to honor the love of a dead friend and pleasure my back at the same time!


aren't bluetooth phones the coolest

nothing says "i'm a douchebag" like constantly wearing one of those stupid bluetooth headsets.


it's one thing if you have long hair that can cover it up, but it looks stupid. having some large piece of plastic attached to your ear that makes you look like you're talking to yourself doesn't make you look cool or technologically advanced. it makes you look like a douche. you may think your better than me mr. douche, but you sir, are not. who do you think you are, mr. popular? can't go a minute without talking to someone on the phone? get over yourself.

slightly less of a douchebag


i'm hungry





I like eating sandwiches and small animals.


magical harry

I recently developed my own comic strip. Featuring both dialogue and illustrations by myself, it is the epitome of DIY comic strips. Here is a weeks (six days) worth of strips I made. I have been trying to shop them around to local comic printers to no avail. If anyone knows of any publication that would like to feature my Magical Harry strips, please let me know. Without further ado, here they are. Bare in mind that they are not all jokes, so do not be surprised if you don't laugh.

In case you don't understand the strips, you should realize that Harry is a mentally handicapped boy with a huge imagination. Though I am sure everyone figured that out.


my ultimate goal in life

The one thing I want more than anything else in life is the ability to grow some nice facial hair. I would give anything for the ability to grow a thick, full, manly beard. But alas, every time I attempt to grow a beard I end up with light patches and individual strands of beard. The
ironic part of it is that the rest of my body is full
of thick hair. I am like the Wolfman. (Not the monster from the old horror movies, but DJ Wolfman Jack [who is still pretty furry].) So luckily, I will never have to buy a product like this to increase my manhood.

Since I have realized it is futile to try and grow a full beard, over winter break I attempted to grow just a mustache. For three long weeks I grew and grew. While the ladies may have balked at my aspiring stache, we all know that they love the tingliness. Sadly, my mustache didn't work out and I removed it. It was fun while it lasted, but it made me look Mexican (not that theres anything wrong with that, but why should I try to be something I'm not).

how i wanted my mustache
to look

how my mustache turned out